In case you didn't know, it's just ONE WEEK until my wedding! Technically less, actually, because it is midnight now and therefore a week from the first day of our honeymoon. :) I can't believe it. The past six-ish months have been so long and so short at the same time, truly a phenomenon of physics.
One thing is for certain: I never want to look at another pinwheel again.
Or program. Or tablecloth. Or iTunes (still not done with my own wedding music!).
Wedding stuff is seriously getting poopy now. I am burned out for sure. Every day has mostly been comprised of me and my parents doing wedding-related shopping, crafting, planning, freaking out, and other activities. I barely see any of my friends, mostly because the majority of them are not in Orlando at present but also just due to me being busy and them having lives. I keep being left around 10 p.m. to yet another night of Frasier reruns. Don't get me wrong, Frasier is my favorite television show ever -- there just comes a point where you are ready for a little more jazz going on in life around that time than Kelsey Grammer.
The stress and boredom that comes with cutting out programs on a $6 paper cutter all day manifests in ways that aren't good. I find myself getting more irritable a lot faster. When my neck hurts and I've messed up a handful and need to print more, I feel more fussy. That collides with my interactions with Darin, who is also very busy with work and other things, leaving both of us exhausted throughout the day. I take his busyness and tiredness as him nonverbally saying, "You're not that important to me. I don't want to talk to you," rather than "You are so important to me, I am just really tired right now and can't talk long." The continued frustration of having less and less quality time with him as the wedding draws near makes the occasion all the more frustrating! It seems illogical, but it's hard to plunk down and DIY more and more for your wedding when you are worried your groom isn't really that excited to be with you himself.
Stewing in feelings of sadness, it hit me like a ton of bricks tonight as I was washing my face: SPIRITUAL WARFARE, CHICA. That is the connector between everything else. Satan is a master deceiver and wants God's children to feel uneasy and frustrated when huge events that glorify God approach. There are so many little opportunities for him to do his work, from conflating small issues into mountains of irritation for me in wedding planning, to twisting my interactions with Darin into visions of rejection and loneliness. Getting married and becoming one is a huge day of joy in the Christian kingdom because it honors God's plan for starting families and doing ministry as a permanent team, embodying the love Jesus has for his people! Why is it a big surprise that Satan would be so interested in meddling with a bride the week of her wedding?
What encourages me to consider is that he does this because we are moving towards something that is God's exciting plan for us, one that we are so grateful and overjoyed to take. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I am doing what I am meant to do. I am getting married to not only a godly and strong man, but also one who is my best friend! Realizing how much he means to me and how much our union pleases God and should point to Him combats the lies that want to take hold of my life as the wedding gets closer. It's important to pray for the strength to say no to untruth and withstand the temptation to have an outburst that I will regret later.
Believe that God is good.
Believe that He loves you.
Believe that the people He's given you in life love you, too.
I am hoping that this message is more firmly anchored into my heart. It's the weapon I need to fight these invisible wars and be the victor in enjoying this last week before I marry the love of my life and start my brand new life by his side!
"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
P.S. THANK YOU LORD THAT THIS LONG DISTANCE IS ENDING. I SERIOUSLY HATE IT ABOUT AS MUCH AS I HATE THE DEVIL. IT IS NOT GOOD.