Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Yesterday's headline: Happy 1 month-aversary to Darin and me! (YES that is grammatically correct people) Wow. So weird. It's yet another one of those times that on the one hand, time flew, but on the other, I feel like I've been married for a long time. I am used to seeing Darin when I roll over and wake up in the morning... in those last quiet moments before we have to be running out the door to some place. I am used to putting the toilet seat down, which is not this huge pain that some ladies complain about. Our giant sink full of dishes commemorates a month that we have to take care of this house and pretend to look like mature adults!

Last night, Darin and I were sitting on our office floor chillaxing and reflecting on our marriage and our walks with God so far. Both of us realized we've taken so many things for granted that it is shameful. We so often doubt that the Lord can bring amazing things to pass when we have ample reassurance of His truly breathtaking power and love for us! I know for myself that there are plenty of things I ceased to thank Him for when I forgot about it, and that is a pitiful thing.

First of all, I am to be so thankful for our home. It is beyond anything we could have dreamed with our little poor people budget. We can't wait to have people over more often, and are praying for big hearts that seek plenty of times to do it. And I'm thankful that God gave me a talent and strong passion for cooking and baking -- it gives us an excuse to make some people come finish off my experiments! (If they are not disgusting, of course. Usually not.)

As I went through a list of lots of things I need to continue to thank God for -- a job, health, family, friends, etc. -- of course I dwelled on how thankful I am for Darin. What happened next was that I was completely wonderstruck with our story, and that we could be here today. How could a Florida girl end up all the way in Michigan like this? It's honestly a huge miracle in my eyes, that this all began because we were on the same conference in Panama City Beach. Darin couldn't even afford to go; his friend Andy paid the three hundred or so bucks needed because he really wanted Darin to come. I almost studied abroad in Istanbul, Turkey over that week, but because my dad was so vocally against it, I decided to wait on that trip and do something else. Big Break, magnet of all who wander at Spring Break, you brought us into your grasp through a game of volleyball. My roomie Ashley at the conference met Darin playing on the beach and introduced him to the rest of us later. And that was that. We were getting married.

I am thankful that we met in this miraculous way, and that we survived a miraculous long distance relationship. The wait to see each other was at times torture, and the dropped calls and Skype issues were enough to make me scream. We stayed together in a miraculous way.

I am also thankful that Darin is even alive today and that we got married at all. In February, when he was living in East Detroit, someone in his neighborhood got into a dispute with someone they knew and pulled out a massive gun to fight back. As they duked it out, Darin's car was in the crossfire at that moment. (If you want to see a really scary looking vehicle come check it out. Still has the holes, haha.) If he'd been coming home at that moment, or was still in his car, he'd be done for -- there's a hole at head-level in the passenger's window. We joke that we wish that person had shot the engine out so that Darin could get something new, but I never stop and think about the grace God showed us in that moment. Everyone was okay. No one got hurt. Darin and his neighbor reconciled and shared barbecue.  It is the craziest story we probably have, as Darin got to share to one of our elderly neighbors here who noticed the bullet holes, and we really should never stop praising God for His providence six months ago.

Now we both are working married people with an exciting new season in life. What could I even ask of Him? Probably prayers more along the lines of these Jon Foreman (and originally, bible) lyrics that come to mind:

Won't you create in me a clean heart, O God
Restore in me the joy of Your salvation
(Psalm 51)

It's a theme that pops up a lot in my life, so I keep writing about it! I hope it keeps popping up for you too!

Love, Lara

Invisible Warring

In case you didn't know, it's just ONE WEEK until my wedding! Technically less, actually, because it is midnight now and therefore a week from the first day of our honeymoon. :) I can't believe it. The past  six-ish months have been so long and so short at the same time, truly a phenomenon of physics.

One thing is for certain: I never want to look at another pinwheel again.

Or program. Or tablecloth. Or iTunes (still not done with my own wedding music!).

Wedding stuff is seriously getting poopy now. I am burned out for sure. Every day has mostly been comprised of me and my parents doing wedding-related shopping, crafting, planning, freaking out, and other activities. I barely see any of my friends, mostly because the majority of them are not in Orlando at present but also just due to me being busy and them having lives. I keep being left around 10 p.m. to yet another night of Frasier reruns. Don't get me wrong, Frasier is my favorite television show ever -- there just comes a point where you are ready for a little more jazz going on in life around that time than Kelsey Grammer.

The stress and boredom that comes with cutting out programs on a $6 paper cutter all day manifests in ways that aren't good. I find myself getting more irritable a lot faster. When my neck hurts and I've messed up a handful and need to print more, I feel more fussy. That collides with my interactions with Darin, who is also very busy with work and other things, leaving both of us exhausted throughout the day. I take his busyness and tiredness as him nonverbally saying, "You're not that important to me. I don't want to talk to you," rather than "You are so important to me, I am just really tired right now and can't talk long." The continued frustration of having less and less quality time with him as the wedding draws near makes the occasion all the more frustrating! It seems illogical, but it's hard to plunk down and DIY more and more for your wedding when you are worried your groom isn't really that excited to be with you himself.

Stewing in feelings of sadness, it hit me like a ton of bricks tonight as I was washing my face: SPIRITUAL WARFARE, CHICA. That is the connector between everything else. Satan is a master deceiver and wants God's children to feel uneasy and frustrated when huge events that glorify God approach. There are so many little opportunities for him to do his work, from conflating small issues into mountains of irritation for me in wedding planning, to twisting my interactions with Darin into visions of rejection and loneliness. Getting married and becoming one is a huge day of joy in the Christian kingdom because it honors God's plan for starting families and doing ministry as a permanent team, embodying the love Jesus has for his people! Why is it a big surprise that Satan would be so interested in meddling with a bride the week of her wedding?

What encourages me to consider is that he does this because we are moving towards something that is God's exciting plan for us, one that we are so grateful and overjoyed to take. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I am doing what I am meant to do. I am getting married to not only a godly and strong man, but also one who is my best friend! Realizing how much he means to me and how much our union pleases God and should point to Him combats the lies that want to take hold of my life as the wedding gets closer. It's important to pray for the strength to say no to untruth and withstand the temptation to have an outburst that I will regret later.

Believe that God is good.
Believe that He loves you.
Believe that the people He's given you in life love you, too.

I am hoping that this message is more firmly anchored into my heart. It's the weapon I need to fight these invisible wars and be the victor in enjoying this last week before I marry the love of my life and start my brand new life by his side!

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Love, Lara

P.S. THANK YOU LORD THAT THIS LONG DISTANCE IS ENDING. I SERIOUSLY HATE IT ABOUT AS MUCH AS I HATE THE DEVIL. IT IS NOT GOOD.

10...9...8...

Umm... SURPRISE!

YAY!!!!

I can't believe it. This past month and a half have really flown like crazy. From back on December 22nd when we got engaged, through the months of my final semester at USF, it never seemed to get any closer. Until now, that is! When you can say you're getting married in less than 10 days you know it's on!

I am so blessed, and am taking time tonight to lay out these blessings before the Lord in prayer and thank Him for every single one. It's just so incredible. The littlest things are so wonderful. I am rejoicing in how Darin is such a great uncle -- he made dinner for his (and soon to be my) nieces and nephew, and took them to get ice cream and a movie rental. They come over and swim and hang out at our house now. Might I mention that I'm jealous I can't be there for that yet? But I seriously can't get over how I am marrying the best guy in the world. Gosh. He just jazzes up my life so much. 

Something I am also so deeply grateful for, that a lot of people can't claim for themselves, is my amazing in-law family. I am the luckiest girl ever. You hear people you know vent about how their mother-in-law is always meddling in their business, and how their brother-in-law keeps borrowing money, and other nightmare tales. I am actually so excited for the family I am joining soon! They are fun, laid-back, and so easy to be around and get along with. They joke around and spend a lot of time together, something I like since I don't live near any of my aunts or uncles or grandparents. They've been so gracious in hosting me and keeping me company when Darin is at work, haha. They put so much time and effort into the bridal shower they threw in Michigan, which was so fun despite the mishaps! I am proud to be taking their last name soon! :)

And, let's not forget, I am thankful for people willing to help out in getting this wedding shindig on the road. My friends (and Mom, of course) offering to help me spray paint, hot glue, tie ribbons, hole punch, and myriad other things are keeping me sane and giving me company during the most mundane of tasks. I have some sweet hookups for parts of the wedding, such as a great friend from church named Becca who is taking care of our cupcakes, and my Mammaw for sewing me a garter and the ring pillow among some other things! I am showered with help and company!

The final countdown is on!

Love, Lara

Remember the Joy

Just as with everything in this world, there are hills and valleys. I've definitely been feeling that the past couple of days. I had a great time in Michigan getting our house all set up and spending time with my in-laws-to-be and my boo, and am just so tired of having to fly back home again after all that.

The light at the end of the tunnel is definitely near. If I really stop and think about it, it kind of freaks me out. Less than a month until I get married! I am so ready for this to happen already. We've been planning for months and dealing with long distance for many months more. It's taking its toll on me, and even though I never have to go away to visit Darin and then leave again, it gets harder every time to go back to "normal life" talking on the phone a few times a day and that being all that you have.

I think the hardest part is the somewhat helpful but painful tidbits of marriage advice I keep getting; "There will definitely be hard times." "Getting married doesn't mean you won't ever feel lonely again." "Adjusting to being married can be really frustrating." On top of the pain of being apart, it just brings a little discouragement to dwell on these thoughts, which are 100% true but just not well timed for me. My excitement about getting married is dampened a little when I think that some of the sad things I deal with in a long distance engagement won't forever disappear when Darin and I start living in the same house.

It's always good to be realistic, and know that nothing is perfect. When you get married, you are entering a covenant that isn't always easy to keep and is shared by a sinner, someone who makes mistakes and won't always gel with your ideas and feelings every second of every day. But sometimes, when you have had it with being a thousand miles away, you just need to focus on the joy of your wedding day. Then, you will at least be together -- not just in the same zip code but the same home! You will probably rub each other the wrong way sometimes, or even get into it a little deeper than that, but you'll have so many more of those special and fun moments that you remember fondly when you sit on another flight home from visiting your love. You're starting a new life with your favorite person and best friend, and can count on being with him when new hills and valleys approach.

That promise, founded on how God designed marriage and desires it to be, is what I'm clinging to in this awkward transition time of frantically finishing wedding preparations and growing weary of having to say goodnight and hang up until tomorrow. Marriage is a gift and a joy, and that is what merits mentioning the most!

Love, Lara

Put a Ring On It

Hanging up the phone with Darin tonight, I just laid on my bed and sighed for a minute. The thought of getting married in a little over two months really struck me as so exciting and thrilling that I just couldn't stand it. I am just so nuts about that guy! I enjoy our time spent chatting on the phone, and am so ready to do that in person. (Or even just spend a few hours sitting around watching TV. Ahh, a relationship luxury that is to come. Haha!)

We are so in the stages still of little butterflies over everything. There's so much new territory with one another in our relationship, having only just met a bit over a year ago. It's so hard to imagine a time where we will be used to each other. Right now I feel like when we're married, I will wake up every morning shocked that there is someone else in my room! Is there really a time where that feels normal?


I just read a really interesting bit from C.S. Lewis that I think sheds some light on this topic of the slowing down of the crazy stages of love:


"People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' forever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change — not realising that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. The sort of thrill a boy has at the first idea of flying will not go on when he has joined the R.A.F. and is really learning to fly. The thrill you feel on first seeing some delightful place dies away when you really go to live there. Does this mean it would be better not to learn to fly and not to live in the beautiful place? By no means. In both cases, if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. What is more (and I can hardly find words to tell you how important I think this), it is just the people who are ready to submit to the loss of the thrill and settle down to the sober interest, who are then most likely to meet new thrills in some quite different direction. The man who has learned to fly and become a good pilot will suddenly discover music; the man who has settled down to live in the beauty spot will discover gardening.


This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go — let it die away — go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow — and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time…. It is much better fun to learn to swim than to go on endlessly (and hopelessly) trying to get back the feeling you had when you first went paddling as a small boy."

Should we really be afraid of those sparks dimming just a little bit, and turning into a steady fire in the fireplace rather than an explosion? Is there not some comfort and pleasure in a routine walk around the block or spending breakfast reading the newspaper?

I loved C.S. Lewis' comparison of moving to a place you once visited on vacation. If you fell in love with Paris over a week trip and decided to relocate there permanently, of course the Eiffel Tower would seem more commonplace in your line of sight as you did your daily business. The bustling fun of the Champs-Élysées would not invigorate you as much as it did the first time. But no one would imagine talking you out of moving to Paris just because the novelty would wear off. They'd talk about the joys of becoming a regular cafe patron, a fluent French speaker, an appreciator of fashion or food or art, or whatever you like.

So why do people see marriage as the death of fun and excitement? It's the same thing, making a permanent choice to reside with what you delight in -- although instead of a city, it's a person. It's okay to grow used to waking up and seeing that someone still there, and bearing through normal life with them.

My plan is to embrace and ride out all the early excitement and passionate fun of marrying Darin; in no way do I want to talk myself out of that in favor of what is inevitable. It will be a blast while it happens naturally! And after that, we can practice what it's like to cultivate love rather than let it carry us like a raging rapid. I will be as proud and excited as can be for us to become old farts together, and have our usual coffee times and fold our laundry on Saturdays. I wouldn't trade a love like that for 80 years of crazy exciting passion; it'd probably take a new guy every year for that to be remotely possible. Never in a billion years! You have to be the world's biggest dope to trade anything for Darin. No one else could be as much fun to make up horrible future Clinton baby names with, dance like a goober with at weddings, invent recipes with, drink beer with, lay out at the pool with, or go bowling with, ever in your life.

Cheers to sealing the deal and letting true love grow!

Love, Lara

What I Love About You

Tonight, talking on the phone with Darin, I was really struck by just how much I love that guy. It's a shame the rest of ladykind will have to miss out on his goodness, but I am not sharing him for nothing! To me, it is truly one of those non-scientific proofs of God and His purpose for the lives of his children. How we met was so random and could have been prevented or changed by millions of tiny little things. How it worked out for us to continue talking, continue visiting each other, and continue growing together was surrounded by trillions more little miracles. We are so alike and so different; we challenge each other but satisfy each other, too. My mind is still blown by the past year I have spent knowing this man and I am thrilled at learning more in years to come!

I could write an ode about how much I love Darin!

1. He loves Flight of the Conchords and Freaks & Geeks, my two favorite and somewhat obscure TV shows.
2. He says some awfully weird things before thinking too hard about if they make any sense, and it usually cracks me up.
3. He is amazed by my cooking abilities and loves to eat fun food! (Sushi was a definite deal breaker... good thing he is a fan.)
4. He plays guitar and leads worship at church and Cru meetings sometimes. 
5. He has a good sense of style. We just look good together.
6. He is 6'1", aka way taller than me. I feel kind of like I robbed a tall-ish girl of a tall guy -- at 5'3", I am not hard to accommodate -- but I like it this way. :)
7. He appreciates me looking nice and doesn't make (a lot of) fun of my makeup, nail polish, and dress collections, but enjoys it because I end up looking fancy!
8. He is a handyman and can fix and make all kinds of things, and is a master house painter!
9. He is great with kids and so fun to watch when messing around with his nieces & nephews, and kids from his work at the Y.
10. His sense of humor is pretty darn wonderful. Anyone with a hillbilly mullet wig on hand in the trunk of the car is someone I would be intrigued by to some degree.
11. He is transparent and honest about everything, we've talked about everything under the sun.
12. When we have a disagreement or frustrating moment, he is quick to go "LARA! I love you!" and hug me, even when most of the time I don't want him to touch me, haha. (I like to mope when I am upset at myself for messing something up. Just FYI.)
13. I may be able to cook, but I can't really grill yet, but Darin makes up for that shortcoming. We have made some stinkin' good chicken!
14. He and I laugh at the same YouTube things.
15. He likes being near the city, as do I. We are not at all interested in rural living whatsoever. Even though downtown Detroit and downtown Orlando are two totally different places, they are our urban homegrills! (Although soon we will have the SAME ONE AHHH)
16. He loves all kinds of people and treats them all the same. He would be just as interested in and nice to the president as he would be to a homeless man.
17. He is bold with his faith! He doesn't think so, but he gets so many opportunities to share it and does so with all kinds of people he runs into.
18. He is a family guy, and has tons more relatives than I do, but spends time with them!

Oh, there is so much more, but I need to squeeze a little sleep in for my LAST WEEK OF CLASS! YES! I can't believe it! It is a doozy but it can be done!

Have you made a list of things you love about someone lately? It feels great to do and is such a great reminder of the gifts we have in our relationships! 

Love, Lara

Goal Maker

I've always been a big fan of lists. I used to make lists just for fun of my favorite cereals, my favorite flavors of ice cream, my favorite books, just because. It's a really weird thing to do just for fun - you are literally writing down things that you already know for the most part - but there's something satisfying about seeing it organized and on paper to me.

Lots of times, this weird hobby of mine is actually very helpful. I like pro & con lists, and how they help me make decisions about what to do. Making lists of the classes I've taken and the ones I still wanted to take helped me keep on track throughout college (NOTHING came as a surprise to me in terms of credits and whatnot). Making lists of places I'd like to travel helps me figure out what opportunities to keep an eye out for and save my money towards the ones with the most things I want to see, or what's nearby other places I like.

I was really inspired by the blog of a really awesome woman, the pastor's wife at the church I attend, Ashlee Proffitt. I barely, barely know her at all; I think she recognizes my face on Sunday mornings haha. However, I am a big fan of her design business. We have very similar taste in how things should look, I have noticed.

She has a great practice of putting her monthly goals out for all to see, which first of all forces you to make some goals in the first place that have a deadline, and also share them so other people can at least be a little interested in how they are progressing. Being a list fiend, this is right up my little left-brained alley! Oddly enough, the font she uses on her goals list is exactly the same as one I use all over the place. Again, coincidentally similar tastes. (Thanks Learning Curve.)

Although we're already through a good chunk of April, I have some goals in mind that I'd like to accomplish this month!

Spiritual Goals: 1. My roomie & friend Skylar had the great idea of reading through the Psalms downward that correspond to the number of days left hasta la boda. For example, 90 days left = read Psalm 90. Pretty neat! I have done it most days the past week since I thought about it but want to make it consistent.

2. I've been reading the awesome book Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud for USF Cru's Women's Challenge this semester. Unfortunately, I felt the need to back out of it this last month of school due to the billions of things that must occupy my time, but the book is awesome and I want to finish it up in my spare time. Highly recommended, even if you don't think you're all that messed up, haha. :)

3. Scripture memory. Also something I have been doing at Women's Challenge, and need to continue on my own. I love this verse; it really speaks on how to live in a godly community & bring others in.

Personal Goals: 1. Something I like a lot is fiddling around with graphic design software. I have no idea if I am very good at it or not. I did design my own wedding invitations and received enough positive feedback from trustworthy friends that I am confident in sending them out, but that's still a pretty small portfolio, hahaha. I found a nice online course that has more foundational things I want to learn. Gotta jump on it!

2. All semester I've made a point of exercising with Robbie after my Tuesday/Thursday classes. I also walk a lot to class, so I am not too worried about trying to cram in 5 days a week and become super buff. Just building a little muscle tone. It's fun!

3. Marriage + moving = perfect time to dump some clothes I do not wear or do not need. Not only do I have a ridiculous number of pieces that are Florida-tastic and not practical for living in Michigan year-round, but an abundance of free shirts from USF and the like. Can't wait to get it down to the basics.

Relationship Goals: 1. Darin and I have read through 1 Peter together for a while now. Darin proposed that we start reading the same passage together and come back to discuss it, and both of us independently wanted 1 Peter. Can't find an excuse not to with divine guidance like that! ;)

2. We have started the most perfect premarital counseling course humanly possible. It's online (perfect for this LDR situation we are in), biblically-based, AND was on a special for only $55! I can't wait to start it!

3. We usually pray together before hitting the hay, but sometimes we forget. Both of us want to make it more of a habit that we can carry into marriage.

Wedding Goals: 1. Figuring out the food is a lofty goal for this month, haha. I might need to keep it going into May. But making progress in that area is definitely necessary.

2. I am so close to this goal being done that I don't feel bad that the other one is a tall order, haha. I just need more stamps!

3. This is my last full month in Tampa, because I am heading back to Orlando to finish up wedding shenanigans in the comfort of the city in which the party is going down. Not all my lady friends will be able to come down there later this summer, so I am thinking we will have to have a more open-invite fiesta right here in the 813. I am going to bounce some ideas off my friends!

Goals are great! Even if you're not as much of a visual person when it comes to planning and organizing, you owe it to yourself to keep track of some things you are striving for regularly. There's a lot that everyone wants to do but doesn't set out a plan to just do it! Get you some!

Love, Lara

Who Coulda Known

Looking at the calendar today, I realized that it has been three whole months since I got engaged! Wow. While the time has absolutely crawled at many points since then, I still am a little surprised that it's been a whole quarter of a year that I have been planning a wedding and getting used to the idea of actually getting married!

I really don't stop enough to think just how weird this really is for me. I have gotten used to it pretty quickly, but in reality, this is a huge, totally unexpected place for me to be in my life right now, compared to about a year ago. Before last spring break, I had never been in an official "relationship" with anyone. I did not get asked out a whole lot, and when I did, it was usually either that the timing was not very good for me or I just did not have an assured feeling about it. I spent a lot of time wondering if something was wrong with me, or what I was doing to keep men away. When I really started following Christ, I left behind my more cynical man-bashing ways but was still not seeing tons of results!

Then, completely out of nowhere, I found myself introduced to someone totally new, which I did not expect. I kind of had thought that I would likely one day end up dating someone who I had known for a while and had been warming up to for some time, and that we would be friends who decided to take it to the next level. Wrong! I walked into one week in Panama City Beach as a single girl attending a conference (which I highly recommend in every way), and walked out a not-so-single girl who was spoken for and was pretty much dating, even though it was not made official until about a month later -- at my self-guarding bequest. I probably spent time with this guy a couple times a day, with varying degrees of one-on-one communication and hanging out, for a max of about five days. How in the world does this happen?!

I am the last person to expect myself to be on the marriage path during my final semester of college. My prior plans were to graduate and probably find a way to go overseas long-term, especially having loved my time in Bosnia. I expected to be joining a dating website if I did not meet anyone by age 30, and just resigned myself for the most part to wait and wait. I literally bet one of my best friends $1,000 that I would not be the first one of our group of friends to date someone or get married, which was an assertion that she very boldly stuck to for no reason that I could see. Amanda, sorry... I am not paying you. We didn't shake on it.

Thinking about it all really goes to show how little you can predict about your life. Our stories are very different and creatively written by God, who loves us enough to give each of us a different adventure rather than blandly copying the same tale over and over in this epic. I mean, my senior year of high school, here is what I thought I would be doing:

1. Going to an ivy league university

2. Studying journalism

3. Hopefully getting a job in New York or something equally chic

4. Out-earning my male coworkers

5. Having an artsy and highly intellectual boyfriend who read poetry and played the piano

Here is what I did instead:

1. Went to a public university in my home state (go bulls!)

2. Studied International Studies and some in Ancient History & Business

3. Prepared a job wherever the freak someone will hire me

4. Went overseas to France for fun, and Bosnia for Christ

5. Met an all-American guy who both plays basketball and the guitar, and is a better balance between sensitive and more typical "masculine" qualities, and agreed to marry him

All in all, I came out of it with less debt, more experiences, a more open mind, a stronger faith, and a fella I couldn't have dreamed up being better for myself. :) I mean, when we first met, we discussed Flight of the Conchords, Freaks & Geeks, and Old Gregg. If that was not a divine match, then I really do not know what could be.

I am thankful for the twists and turns my plans have taken as God has held the reins. They are far better than I imagined. I hope I can hold onto that as I embark on a new stage of life as a college graduate and a wifey. Let's just say, I am not planning on having seven babies and moving to India, but apparently I can never tell what will happen...

I hope you see the exciting ways that your life has exceeded your expectations and that you await more adventures coming your way!

Love, Lara

Le Bling

I have mentioned before that I really did not do much planning in the way of what my dream wedding and all that would be like. Well, at least until some months into dating Darin and being pretty darn sure that I did not want to keep looking. :) Lacking this interest for a long time in my years spent as a girl -- 22 and a half! -- I also did not have a huge interest in jewelry. I didn't get my ears pierced until I was a junior in high school, and even then, got cheap fashion earrings that were no more than $8.00 a pair, and also some of those necklaces from Forever 21 that probably have something toxic in them.

Consequently, I did not have much to give Darin in the way of preferences when I knew he was in the market for an engagement ring. (I hadn't a single clue how soon I would be offered such a ring, which is a story to come, of course!) As long as it was not a heart-shaped diamond, I was really not too terribly picky. A man with good taste and three sisters will probably be fine!

I am glad that I left Darin to his own devices to pick which one, because knowing that he saw one that reminded him exactly of me is way more meaningful.

How little I knew about jewelry is made evident in the fact that I had NO CLUE what my ring size was. I just estimated about a 6 but was not sure, so Darin's secret transaction included sizers on a ring that was too big with the understanding that it would need to be made smaller. I think he knew that my tiny hands were smaller than I thought, haha. But three months later, it is all fitted right and looking sharp. I can be engaged with style!

Really loving showing off what my boo picked out just for me. Not sorry that he is off the market from everyone else. ;)

Love, Lara

Hurdles

Okay, I have a really interesting update that feels like a huge deal to Darin and I more than other people, probably. I feel like the discussions we've been having and the issues we've been trying to address have really taken over a lot of our conversations since I've been visiting this past week, and yet I wouldn't be surprised if spectators answered back, "What's the big deal?"

The big question has been this: to live in the actual city of Detroit, or not.

It seemed kind of like a given at first. Darin has lived in the city for some years and enjoys the atmosphere, and is very involved in an awesome church on the east side that is very missionally focused towards their community. It requires a strong heart of compassion for a city that not many people feel compassionate about. Detroit does get a worse rap than it deserves, with many people fearing driving downtown to eat somewhere, even. (I've heard similar things about downtown Orlando and the area of Tampa where I live right now. Wimps! Hahaha.)

I have been viewing my transition to moving up here as a lose-all for winning one guy. Not that I was bitter about this, but that the fact of the matter was that I was giving up my familiarity, my weather, my family, my friends, my Publix and Chick-Fil-A (gentle sobbing), and some other things that would be a challenge to say good-bye to. Of course, not permanently, as I am sure I will be visiting my favorite subtropical peninsula sometimes and that some Floridians I love would perhaps pay me a visit in the Mitten, too. Yet I was faced with a huge sacrifice to make the wisest decision -- marrying my best man friend who has a stable job and a super family -- and tried my best to accept it and be at peace.

There was an itching feeling of uncertainty, though, about the caveat of living in Detroit. Now, let me make this quite clear: I have heard gunshots in my lifetime. Some kind of rivalry blew up in the parking lot of where I now live about a year ago and someone ended up with a big bullethole in his butt. (This kind of cracks me up, still, hahaha.) I grew up around and interact with all kinds of different people, not just typical suburban white people. I don't think I'm that sheltered! I guess I just felt like every last bit of comfort I could possibly have was going to be stripped away if I was living in Detroit. I didn't know where to get groceries or gas by myself without being afraid, or parking on the street and hauling patooty back to my house or apartment like I already do now in Tampa.

Darin knew about my discomfort. I wasn't very good at expressing it, either at all or in the right way, but he knew that I was a little less than thrilled at the prospect of setting up camp somewhere that was really unfamiliar to me. He correctly assessed, too, that being a girl, it's just different for me to imagine settling down in the so-called "ghetto" than a guy. He had a bit of a hard time trying to understand how I wouldn't feel safe somewhere if he was going to be there doing his best to protect me.

We had a bit of difficulty trying to figure out the right reasons to live where we would end up living. There are logical and personal reasons from both our points of view that made it hard to be sure. The biggest hurdle was Darin's involvement with his church, because he loves the solid biblical teaching and the community setup, with lots of opportunities to serve and be involved. While I really do like his church and always enjoyed visiting, I just did not have that same personal connection that made me completely devoted to the cause of Detroit and living there to be a good neighbor.

This whole week, we have been at dinner several times talking through our pieces, trying to understand each other while gently pointing out flaws in each other's thought processes. We really had a textbook-worthy series of peaceful, thoughtful, respectful, and loving chats about what to do and why. We both had stubborn little things that we stuck to and couldn't really see past, in some respects. But on Sunday, after Darin discussed these things through with his fellow childcare volunteers, he told me, "Lara, I am deciding that we will wait to live in Detroit."

I was a little relieved, but also nervous that Darin was just giving up things that he cared about and doing something that would make me happy but leave him a little resentful and discontent. I said so. He was still working through convincing his emotional self that he thought it was the right thing to do, but had made the logical decision to stay closer to where he works. He didn't ultimately think we needed to dive into Detroit right away, and that we would in a way be milking all the benefits from his church without fully participating and sacrificing for it, as many other families do by planning to settle down in the city for years, not months.

We are in agreement, and trying our best to comfort each other through our fears and frustrations. Darin keeps saying, "I have never had to make such a hard decision in my life! I'm used to making decisions for just myself." I can totally agree with that, and know that there will be other things we will have to work through to be at peace. And I do want to respect him as a leader, not trying to have two presidents running our family -- I willingly say that Darin is the man of the house and that I trust him to be wise. I know he cares very much about my feelings and opinions, and takes them into account. I want to be able to live this out for our kids one day so that they can rest assured that there are no power battles in our house; Mom and Dad respect one another and make decisions that stick.

In short, I'm thankful for this opportunity to work through something really hard with Darin, and see what it's really like having to live with someone else in marriage, eventually. We both feel stronger for it. So the name of this blog can still be "Living with the D," because we sure will be hanging around in Detroit. I really do love and enjoy it. It's just not where we'll be resting our heads at night for now. And of course, the person "D" is not going anywhere, either. ;)

I hope this encourages people in some way! Especially people who aren't sure that twenty-somethings can make a relationship really work, because they can and they will. Even when it's a little sticky.

Love, Lara